Saturday, May 28, 2011

I Really Don't Know...

I don't know what to write about. What ever I write on this blog is always so boring and like, not fun to read. Most the time I only write stuff about "my life" becasue thats what I feel like is the only thing people really want to know about, but I only do it becasue "I have to." At least I feel like I have to. But it is so boring, and I don't even care!

You people who don't know things about Malawi and stuff, I guess my blog was so you could keep up with whats happening in my life and know some things about Malwai, but I don't really do that kind of writing very well. There are not even that many interesting things that go on in my life unless you are like a teenage girl who knows me really well and knows everything i know about my school and friends and everything... so basicly, it can't be that interesting to to many people.

I don't know if anyone even reads my blog anymore. I guess they all got sick of it. I don't even know why I write on it anymore. I guess I just do it incase someone actualy dose read it, even though It wouldn't really make any diference to me if someone read it or not. I guess the diference would just be that I know all the time I put in to it hasn't been wasted but that it has been read by at least someone.

I have so much I COULD write about, but all the things I would want to write about are just kinda stupid unless you are me.

I just deleated like 3 paragraphs that I wrote after this. They didn't make any sence and no one would care. sigh... never mind about all that stuff it's pretty off subject. I tend to do that. It is like my thoughts kinda. I go from one thing to another to another and I think about things over and over again analizing my thoughts and stories in my head in many diferent ways, changing them and moving them around to see what it would be like from diferent perspectives.

ok, fine, I really don't do that with writeing, I agree. Yeah, i am not a great writer, I kida stink. I'm not even a "good thinker" what ever that is suposed to mean, I just think alot, but all the things I think about are things taht I would be the only one taht would care about it...

OK you know what, never mind. I'm boring myself even! I don't know what to say... I'm done... There is really nothing else to say...

but really the bottom line, what I was trying to get at is that I honestly don't know or think anyone reads my blog. I don't see the point anymore. I feel so loved and cared about when people comment or send me a message because people almost NEVER do that and if they do I know that they took time out of their day to either read my blog or just to send me a message on email or facebook or whatever and it makes me feel so cared about and worth something to someone. becasue, sometimes... I just feel like not that many people care what I think or say. and, well, maybe they don't. maybe I just don't have very good things to say or think. I'm what I would call, "not exactly the same as 'everyone else."' 'everyone else' meaning the normal people who like and do whatever everyone else likes and dose. I am not one of those people really, and it's kida hard for me to find good friends. and I'm aperently a mean person acording to my brothers so I guess people don't like me to much...

anyway... if people who read my blog or whatever, if they sent me a message or somethign like that, I guess it would be really encoraging to me. Not about "how good my blog is" becasue I know it is really kind of horible, but just to say hi or really anything. If someone from america or wehre ever who dosnt see me everyday sent me a message of any kind it would make me feel so special. hint. hint.

I feel like I always come across as so negitive... I am not very good at exspressing really happyness in stuff that I write or draw and everything, but I know how to make things seem sad... that is just sad... wow... I have serius isues. I'm happy though, really. If I go and look at the bright side of things I feel content and happy. I just don't know how to exspres it I guess. I gota work on that.

Don't worry seriusly... wow I just made myself smile. It isn't funny this is just stuppid, I can't beleve myself... hahaha... never mind.

I want summer.
I don't want finals.
I need to get off the computer.

bye for now,

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