I'm not an average 'in the crowd' kind of girl. I don't like allot of things that most other people like, and I don't enjoy doing things that other people enjoy doing. I am wired differently. Instead of things people usually enjoy doing, I like creating things, or running around outside just for the fun of it. Once my little brothers and I found a bunch of weapons, (sticks, a machete, a two foot long forks, and golf clubs) and we chased stray dogs around campus. Other times I ran after my brothers, who were on scooters, up and down campus just to get exercise and because it was fun. Call me crazy. I would agree.
I also have tons of dreams. Dreams of doing fun things or constructing places to do stuff with my brothers and my friends (the ones who don't think I'm insane). I guess I am not exactly like everyone else and some people just don't get along with me for that reason. Allot of my dreams never come true despite the work I put into them, but that's OK. It's what I do. I dream, I create, I do, and I expect disappointment because it often follows, but doesn't stop me.
I dream and I do things because other things that are handed to me in the world are often not fun or satisfying to me. I have to get my ideas and dreams into the world for both others' enjoyment, and for my own sense of accomplishment. I love using what God has given me but my little dreams and failing ideas are the only way I get my talents out anymore. I can't remember a day in the last few years that I didn't wonder, somewhere in my heart, what exactly God wanted me to do in life. I know He has a plan and I know He gave me my talents and uniqueness for a reason. I don't mind waiting for Him to show me where my life will take me, but I wonder what I am to do in my daily life now! I could merely focus on school, but school is already my life, and I'm not particularly great at it.
I feel like I am called to use my airsickness to draw and create things for people to use or have - to make life special and colorfully rather than just a race for success. But I'm 13! I can only do that at a minimal level right now. When I grow up I want to be a mother, a makeup artist, and I want to keep drawing and dreaming. Now, though, I don't just want to sit it out and be consumed by school work that I will never fully understand anyway. I want to live, express myself, make people happy, have fun, exercise, be a teenager. . . Like I said, I'm different than allot of people and I haven't met many people who understand me at all. It's hard to have fun and be a teenager being me. Especially while living in Malawi. All of that isn't that big of a deal to me though. What I really want to know is what God wants me to do and how I can glorify Him. If I do that, I know I'll be happy, as I am now, and the rest will just come.
I am truly thankfull for the friends God has given me, for my wonderfull brothers who double as great friends, and for the opportunities and situations He has aloud me to experience. Bing me is just hard sometimes but I'm sure it's that way for everyone. In this new year I pray that God would be with me and show me what He wants of me. He has taught me so much and I am so grateful, so lets do it again! This year can be productive and joyful if I want it to be. I just need to ask for some help.
This quote really explains me right now. It really challenged and modevated me when I read it. I had a smile from one ear to the other.
". . .As I got older and heard kids talk about wanting to "fit in," or wanting to be "normal," I never quite understood why they felt that way. What's the point of being "normal"? That sounds average to me, and I never felt like I was created to be average. . .So if everybody was doing the same thing, the normal and usual thing, I looked for a different way. The crowd, by definition, gravitates toward average, which could tend toward middle of the road or toward mediocrity. If we're all special in the same way, then nobody really is. A view of that kind of life, I believe, discounts the belief that God created each of us special, each with gifts and abilities like no one else's. He created each of us different, fully intending that we would use our unique gifts and abilities to do what He created us to do. You and I were created by God to be so much more than normal." ~Tim Tebow (my role model) from his book Through My Eyes with Nathan Whitaker