From the time I turned 12 until the summer after my 13th birthday in March, was a really difficult, confusing, discouraging, and lonely time in my life. At that point life was definitely not a walk in the park for me, but reminds me more of sweating, worrying and trudging up a mountain that you’ve never seen before, and that you’ve found yourself to be lost on in the deepest jungles of its core. It sounds bad I know… And it kind of was.
In the trauma of that year I think I subconsciously blocked a lot of previous memories, which is really sad for me because my little kid days were the bomb. It is a bummer to only be able to remember tiny bits and pieces.
It took me the remainder of the summer to completely recover, and to get over my old life, I guess you would say. I felt renewed but timid, because I didn’t quite know what I was doing. The people that had been involved in my life and had had the same sorts of troubles as me were all changing for the better too, along side me, all of us in our own hearts and our own way. We were all, in a since, coming back to God.
When school started up again, I was pretty literal about getting rid of things like gossip. I was sort of a newbie. I had always been the one to just go along with the gossip, so my “guys, stop gossiping” sort of shocked my friends, and didn’t make them happy. Let’s just say it took me a couple months to perfect my methods. Slowly I just grew in my faith and in my love for the Lord.
(Art by Timothy John Serra)
From then on until now, I almost feel like Paul. It breaks my heart to see people who are like I was. It breaks my heart to see people who are blind and lost! My heart BLEEDS for the people who don’t have Christ and who live their life in anguish, and even for the Christians who don’t quite know what they believe in. My heart BLEEDS! All I want to do is tell them! All I want to do is be a light! I want them to have Him like I do because I can see the DRAMATIC change in my life! I want them to feel this feeling that is so satisfying, that puts you at such peace and give you so much hope and security! And most of all, all I want to do is live my life for Jesus. He is… I can’t describe Him AT ALL! He is beyond words and beyond comparison! He has done SO much for me! More than I can tell! He is the best things that ever happened to me! All I want to do is honor Him.
Now, this is my goal in life: To be the best Christian, friend, sister, daughter, (fine, student. I guess) and person that I can be to the best of my ability. To be pure in the way I live my life and the things I am involved in, and to become closer and closer to Jesus in any way I can. I want to do what He made me to do, be ready for Him, at when I’m done, live with Him in heaven forever! AHHH! Nothing sounds better!!!!!
Jesus is the only person, the only thing that can make you feel this feeling that is more like an unheard music than an emotion; A music in your soul like all of these in one: The rush and the pump that you get from hard core, the excitement and overwhelmingly happy anticipation of the airport in the morning, the relief of everything being lifted off your hanging solders, the purity and right-ness of being put on a cloud away from the sickening evil that usually surrounds you, the guilt, shame and realization of your own evil, and the gratitude, hope, peace, and satisfaction you have for the things that have been done for you by Him.
Jesus isn’t fake. He isn’t cheesy. Jesus isn’t to be taken lightly. He is hard core, man. Hard . He doesn’t appear on the outside and maybe soak in a little. He has to get in you. I mean REALLY get in your system, more than your own blood in your body is in your system! He has to open your eyes and let you realize the best thing ever - something that can’t be told, but has to be felt. He has to awaken you, and THEN all the outside stuff will start to soak OUT.
Christ is hard core stuff. Stuff to wrap your entire life around. And I am beyond thankful that I have realized that, finally. I’ve got a long path ahead of me, but for once in my life, I’m not the least bit scared. I feel really cool. Cool as beans…
I follow my hard core Christ. To the end, man.
Thank you for reading my blog and my testimony. Visit my Anual Note page to read this post any time, and to see my Anual Post for each year of my bloggity life. To contact me please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org I apriciate all the suport you all give me. Have a fantastic day.
The Art fetured in this post was done by Timothy John Serra, as you may all know as Timmy.