Lately I've been feeling very purposeless and kind of sad. I don't have a good reason. It's just felt empty. Amber left witch has made a difference but I think even if she was here I would have started feeling like this. I've been thinking some about they future and how much I don't really want to face whatever it is that God is going to put me though. I have a really strong feeling that there is something hard coming up weather it be in the next few months or the next few years. I even have a feeling that for the rest of my life God has something radical planed. ....Oh joy....
I've wanted to be alone a lot. I mean, I am always like that, but now that a TON of people have gone, I am one of the few that other people can resort to at school, just like it is for me and everyone else. I don't like it. I like to be a semi outsider with everything and let other people do the talking. It has been kind of forced upon me recently to be more of a constant friend to some people and be closer to the position of a leader in groups since I am one of like four...
Last night I spent an hour or so coming up with characters. I figured I could use them for anything: to draw, to write about or even just to think about when I don't want to think about my own life. I based some of them off of my friends and family or off of myself and things I like. I came up with 20 different people (not including the 5 sets of parents that belong with a lot of that 20). I like all of them. Obviously I can relate to them since they are me and my friends essentially. Some of them are just people that I wish I could have as friends or that make for a better plot in the story.
This story, if I end up writing it, is a journal of a girl named Amanda. She is kind of like me, but a lot more of my personality I put into her friend Gerard. All of the characters and what they do are really fun to me, and it's a nice get away for me. Since I feel like I am Amanda and sort of Gerard as well, I can live another life through their characters. In this story, witch I have decided to tittle, Amanda's Yellow Note Book, I can right about things I experience and learn, or just my thoughts,but make them go through it, I can have fun and write funny stories about her and her friends, if I get bummed out by my life I can live in theirs, and I can use this a a new hobby. It gives me something specific to draw, gets me to write, which I actually do really love to do, and it makes me feel as if I have some sort of purpose.
I wrote the first chapter or whatever tonight; Part 1, August, Tomorrow I die. It's not as morbid as all that. She just talks about how she met her friends, what the past summer was like and how she is going into 7th grade the next day and is slightly freaked out about it. I think it turned out well.
This whole story writing thing has been really fun for me.
Tomorrow I have S.A.T.s so I have to get to bed, but after Jim gets off the computer at 9:00 he said he'd let me read him what I've got so far on my story. I already explained to him the entire cast of characters I have and he knows most of them well enough now that if I say a name he knows who I'm talking about.
I want to thank God for the talents he's given me. Where would I be if I was like, good at school or something?! I like being this writer, drawer girl. Very fun. I want to thank him for Jim too who will sit and listen to me talk about it.